HI Guys

I just felt the need to post this information for any young men out there who feel insignificant due to hair loss.

I was trying to help a young man through his hair loss suffering for a couple weeks now. His name was Mike M., and was 18 years old.

I just got notification today that the Michael committed suicide three days ago.

I did not know this young man well, but I feel this overall sense of complete sadness. I tried to help him, but he did not see the light. I truly wish there was some way to have prevented this. I tried to trace his IP to find a location, and possibly inform someone of his situation, because I know he was in serious pain with his issues.

I too am a young hair loss sufferer, butI want every young person to know that there are things to help people get through hard times. Dont EVER give up on the fight, cause things cannot remain down for ever. Life is such a precious gift given to us. Please talk to someone if you are suffering from depression it helps...I know this first hand.

I am at tears writing this. I cannot believe that this poor young man is gone now all because he couldnt talk to anyone about his problems.

Please keep Michael and his family in your prayers

Sincerely,
Jenn

I've seen a number of posts on hairsite forum, where people state that they know when, and how they are going to commit suicide due to their hairloss. To tell you the truth, I don't blame them. Although personally I doubt I would ever go that far, I can certainly imagine what being NW7 at the age of 18 could do to a person. Nobody knows what happens after you die. If I was a NW7 guy, who's 18 years old - I would definitely like to think of it as a new beginning rather than the end. Would I choose to spend the next 50 years alone in my misery, or would I decide to just end it quick, and hope for another chance? Hard to tell.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic''. Arthur C. Clarke

I do understand how people can get so down as to think suicide is the answer -- certainly death has to be easier than life is what they are thinking.
And they've missed the point of life altogether.
The struggles, the challenges, the failures and the successes -- that is what define's a life and it's worth. Not being happy every single moment of your life or looking at others and wishing you had as few problems as they do.
I'm sorry, but to me, suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness and cowardice. You leave the people who love you to suffer because you weren't smart enough to understand that YOUR life is about more than just YOU.
You got sucky hair? So what? It's just a setback. Deal with it. Be happy that you have all your teeth and are healthy or whatever.
That doesn't mean you should just "accept" things. By all means, be proactive.
But committing suicide?
There is ALWAYS a better answer. Be strong enough to find it.
I've dealt with people who have contemplated suicide. I've held back my feelings on suicide and helped to direct them to a better source of therapy and support.
But still I always think, "Why did you put your friends and family through all this? HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELFISH TOWARDS THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU? Are we truly worth nothing to you? You willing to throw us away as quickly as you are to throw your life away?"
I know this comes across harsh. Possibly unfeeling. But it couldn't be farther from the truth.
You (who are reading this post, and may deal with a suicidal person) tell that person in no uncertain times that their life has worth because you said it has worth. And life is about more than looks or status -- it's about who you affect and how they in turn affect the other people in their life.
You are 18 and a NW7? Shave the shit, tan your skin, and me and you will hit the town and pick up on women like there is no tomorrow. At least you'll know you lived before you made a decision on the worth of your life.

vocor1
Knowledge is Power
If the worst question is the one never asked, then the worst answer is the one never shared.

This is just to show some young guy's perspective: (originally posted by Zemeno on hairiste)

quote:

---

>>>a) you would get girls easily and b) you would feel confident. A is something which isnt worth being suicidal about...<<<

Going bald was never about "not getting girls easily."

Going bald is about "not dating. PERIOD." Women reject the bald. End of story. I'm not talking about not dating "the hottest women". I'm talking about NOT DATING. AT ALL. EVER.

There was a story in one of the other forums recently about a balding guy who was getting rejected right and left by women because of his baldness. He tried everything, and no woman showed any interest in him. In his desperation, he turned to 'personals' web sites as a last resort. He actually found a girl on there he really liked who was in a wheelchair. They e-mailed a few times and then he sent her a pic, completely showing his baldness. She e-mailed him back a rejection e-mail, saying basically, "Sorry... you're not attractive."

This guy can't even get a date with a girl in a WHEELCHAIR! IN A FREAKING WHEELCHAIR!!!

And why? Because his parents raped him with the genes for baldness.

So, YES, it *can* be worth being suicidal about. And there are many people who are on the edge of suicide.

Don't project your non-existent desires for sex or relationships or companionship on everyone else! *You* don't want a girlfriend. That does not mean your balding brothers do not want one. *You* don't like sex with women. That does not mean your balding brothers do not like it. *You* personally never wanted a girlfriend, or a wife. Many here did, and were raped out of that by the genes for baldness. DON'T PROJECT YOUR NON-EXISTENT DESIRES ONTO OTHER PEOPLE.

I am amazed by the people who come in here with such attitudes. Coming in here and telling this forum that going from 'attractive' at age 19 to 'ugly bald' at age 22, and the complete lack of dating that follows it, is 'not worth suicide' is truly rich, man.

Let me ask you, are you in expert in suicide? What is your clinical background? Where did you do your studies? How many years of experience - specifically - do you have in dealing with suicide?

Let's see your background before we allow you to claim baldness is "not worth being suicidal over".

Z

---

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic''. Arthur C. Clarke

I have to TOTALLY disagree...!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baldness is no reason to kill your self!!! ESPECIALLY for a young man!!! Men always AT LEAST have a choice of shaving their head, and totally be accepted by society. Women can shave their head too, but would definately be stared at and constantly be considered a cancer patient.

I am 24, a girl who was beatiful, and losing my hair.....did I kill myself??? NO. Because I have hope and love for more than one person, and know mattter how much I suffer, I would never cause my family that pain.

My uncle hung himself from a tree last year in my grandmother's back yard. How do you think my aunt and my three beautiful cousins age 2, 11,and 15 felt when they woke up seeing their Dad hanging from a tree in the back yard?

And that crap about not being able to pick up a girl in a wheelchair?? Please, I am sure it was not the guys baldness that turned her away!!!
I am DEAD CERTAIN OF THAT!!!!

And what the hell is wrong with being in a wheelchair? You dont think THOSE people have thought about suicide?? But THEY STILL go on...

My cousin who is 25 years old is in a wheel chair, and has been all his life. He was born wit h Spinabifida, a disease where the spine does not fully develop in the mother's womb. Not to mention the fact that his father is a paranoid schizophrenic. But guess what?? He is still living everyday with the biggest smile on his face. Also, He is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! He is so funny,and I forget half the time that he is in a wheelchair. The only time I am reminded is when we have to get up steps or something. And he meets TONS of girls...so I think that the fact that this guy could not pick up a girl in a wheelchair because he was "bald"...is total crap!!!!

As insecure as some men feel about losing their hair, that is NO reason to kill yourself!!

Try being in a young woman's shoes who is losing her hair, or try being that person in a wheelchair, or try being someone who is mentally retarded and cant do a damn thing for themselves.

Look at Christopher Reeve...he wanted to kill himself, but he didn't.. you know why? Because he believed he could rebuild his life. And look at how far he has come!!! He was told he would never be able to move any part of his body again...and he's moving his fingers..and more!!

Bottom line is taking your own life is no answer to a problem.

I have to agree with Vocor!...it is the cowards way out.

Jenn

Is hairloss worth suicide? My opinion on this seems to be somewhere between what vocor and zemeno say. I don't think I would be able to live in a wheelchair, and would probably take the 'cowards' way out. As bad as hairloss seems, it's not nearly as bad as physical disability. I mean - in case of hairloss you can always resort to a system - no such option in the other case. As far as mentaly retarded - as bad as it sounds - ignorance is bliss, and they must be the happiest people on earth.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic''. Arthur C. Clarke

Sad, sad, sad!!!!!!!!! My sympathy to his family. I can't believe anyone would consider suicide for any reason at all. I respect the fact at 18 hairloss must be tragic and maybe too much for someone at such a young age to handle.
Sometimes I think to myself why did I get a transplant, couldn't I just be happy with what god gave me. Don't get me wrong I am very fortunate that I wasn't that bad, found the right doctor and had lots of donor. I don't regred my decision but feel bad for people that either have been screwed in the past, don't have enought donor hair, not enough money to afford one or even know the options that they have.
Today I have spend all day looking to purchase a house. One of the house that I looked at was owed by a blind lady. The way this lady touched me I will never forget. Her house was beautiful!! She knew where everything was she even designed her house. She was a bit of a smart ass and I had to ask her if she was really blind. But her energy was so delightful and powerful. I left the house thinking that maybe I am the one that had a physical disability and not her.
My point is that life is short she could have spend all day being depressed but she didn't. We all need to learn from people like this!!!

Again I feel awful for the young kid but society really doesn't help us be proud of who we are.



Lorenzo

i didn't quite hear that the young guy in question was a nw7 in the original post but i do feel for the young guy if it overcame his emotions at that age. But I have to think that the way its cool to wear your hair skin tight, that it someone would be hard pressed to tell the diference between him and a friend w/ no hair loss.
He was robbed of his best years because of something genetic that was beyond his control, but the help he needed was prob more than a fellow sufferer could offer, and maybe a professional was needed. Easy to be the Monday morning QB, and I feel horrible for doing so, but maybe a bunch of thoughts might help the next guy. This young guy has all my best thoughts and prayers.

Adversity

It either kills you or makes you stronger.

Rest in Peace Mike


Vocor-You're way off calling him a coward...passing judgement on someone you never knew.If anything your comments are cowardly.Godforbid but if your brother(if u have 1) did the same thing...would you say "what a coward,good for him".I think not.

Jenn,
I'm sorry for the loss to this young man's family and to yourself. The fact that you reached out to him was a wonderful gesture. Please don't feel any
"if I only did or said this". It was out of your control. This was a troubled person. The hairloss was something for him to focus on and perhaps served as a diversion for deeper issues.

Take care and thanks for being the person that you are.
Jim

I have thought about suicide beccause of my hairloss. Not only my hairloss, but it seemed to be the feather in my hairloss cap. I agree with the sentiment of it's not about not dating the hottest girls. It's about dating no girls. That may be an exaggeration. But when you are rejected 10-20 times in a row. Well only the strongest can take that with their chin up and not lose something. Personally I think most people, myself included are incredibly superficial. We live in a VERY beauty oriented society. It's so much so, if you tell this to most they say get over it. They think it's ok and that it always has and it always will be and that is the only reality. Personality COUNTS! WHO you are counts. I hate how we have come to glamorize the talentless, celebrate beauty in and only for its physical form. There are even scientific studies reinforcing this fact. Does it mean if you are bald you should kill yourself? No, of course not, only that the struggle is real. Not in our heads and is hard. I don't blame this fellow for feeling as bad as he did. I don't think his pain was in anyway self inflicted. I just think he couldn't find the humor and resources to keep plugging. I don't condone it, just understand it.

It annoys me hair loss is seen as this joke. It's hard to even think of a parallel, of something you have such little control over. Yes it can be worse, and it also can be much better. But I feel strongly we must keep fighting.

How did you know this guy Mike?

It is true that when people like Chris Reeve or that disfigured girl who's in the ads for drunk driving can continue living, a bald person has no right to cotemplate forget commit suicide. However, many of us do. Why? Because in almost all cases we also have other issues. Personally, I have a nerve related disorder that causes my hand and feet to sweat and become really cold a lot of times such that I can barely use them with comfort, espeically when touching others. In addition, I have excess body hair and fast beard growth that is almost as bothersome TO ME as hair loss. These are just peronsal physical problems. I do not even want to talk about other personal issues. It is everything together that used to make me feel suicidal.

Another thing is that in today's society, younger people are in many ways worse of than people in the times of the great depression or WWII. I used to live in a poor country where kids have to walk miles to get a bucket of water. Yet they were always happy. In America, Europe, and increasingly, other parts of the world, looks are so important that it is difficult for a young inexperienced person to understand the "joys of life". The worse thing is that family and religious values are almost nonexistent and make it hard for a teenager to get a good support system or experience spirituality.

Remember, even Chris Reeve said that he was contempalting suicide, but it was his beautiful wife and kids who made im think again. The same goes for that girl in the drunk driving ads. she contemplated suicide, but her father and spirituality saved her.

is one of the greatest men alive. His positive spirit and will is a lesson to us all.

Rejection by our male/female counterparts is a part of life. You could have the two most physically attractive people, put them together, and they could totally dispise one another.

Fellas...even when I had my long beautiful healthy head of hair..toned body...nice tan...white teeth...i was still rejected by guys. Sure they would say I was beautiful, and maybe they meant it, but there was always something else out there that was more appealing.

My ex boyfriend was extremely attractive. Tall, Tan, Thick Black Hair...but he was so wrapped up in the shallowness of "looks" that it totally made me sick to my stomach to look at him.

My point is, when a couple sits down to handle an issue they have in their lives, they dont say "hey..I only am with you for your looks..so what do I care about your problems?"

When you are with someone it is because they make you laugh and forget your problems. MOST importantly, love and support you through times of suffering. Not because they put the hottest runway model to shame. Of course there has to be some attraction, and most of the time it is appearance. But many women do not marry a guy because they have a full head of hair, or drive a Porsche. That is such a BIG sterotype men have about women. I have many, many examples.

I have spent time around guys that I did not think were all that attractive. But I found myself being attracted to them the more I got to know them.

My Dad, who is 50 years old, COMPLETELY BALD, wrinkles all over his face, messed up teeth, (sorry Dad)...is getting married this weekend to a woman that is extremely physically attractive. She looks better then I do, and she is 49 years old. But she loves my Dad because his spirit is incredible. My Dad is actually a very good looking guy. But if you want to pick someone apart... you can find flaws in anyone!!!

There i smore to life then looks. if and when I meet someone again, I am not going to choose them because they are "hot".

So again rejection or baldness is NO reason to committ suicide. Most of you are probably not religious, or even care about what I have to say, but here is a prayer someone sent me that makes perfect sense with hair loss, and suffering in general.

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! ,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.


I know for a fact that there is more to the men on this forum than their looks. So try not to go through life by judging only on what the eyes see.

Take Care
Jenn

I'm am so sorry to hear of that. I think is harder on people losing their at that early of an age. At least when you get into your later 20's or 30's, you're usually a little more mature and it is a little more common. It breaks my heart when these young people get teased by others. I will pray for Mike and his family, and any and all of you who feel that pain.

Not to put it to indelicately, but self-termination, it occurs to me, is a somewhat personal matter. Which is to say, that what is a "reason" for doing it in one person's perception, may, or may not be, in another's.

I also doubt that people who commit suicide do it as a matter of any degree of analysis that leads to a rational conclusion that death is better than life. Rather IMO, suicide, even long-contemplated or planned, is an impulsive reaction to emotional pain so unbearable that the mind simply gives up, and under the circumstances, seeks relief in the only way it can.

Is it "cowardly" to want relief? Is suicide really an "easy" way out? Is the emotional anguish to which the entire dark affair subjects friends and family, really a feasible consideration in a mind so wrought with pain and suffering that it wants only peace and will pay any price for it?

I do not purport to know.

But really, what do any of us know about this young man's mind; his perceptions and feelings about his friends, his future and his life, his illusions and his pain?

Not that much, I'd say. But if in his demise there is anything for us to learn, it may be that even if we don't understand him, before we rush to conclusions, it may be useful to try harder to understand things a little closer to home; especially in a forum where hair, which is not essential to life, is given such extraordinary importance.

No matter how you look at it this is unfortunate, but I applaud the efforts of all who tried to intervene.

I too was very distraught about my loss and this site helped a great deal. The ability to talk to and read the posts of others with more experience than I gave me comfort and piece of mind. I am now at ease with the loss and know there are options and realize that there are much worse fates in life.

I remember hearing about a particular culture that buried those who committed suicide at the crossroads so that those who have the courage to go on with life may walk over those who do not. A bit harsh, but the reaper will come for us all sometime......there is no need to help him out.

well, turned out to be a false scare. Important and wise things have been said however.

[This message was edited by homer on June 30, 2003 at 03:52 PM.]

This this a bad joke??

http://www.keratin.net/forums/viewtopic.php?p=28608#28608